


Tousled Bird Mad Girl

by RogueSareth



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: AOU never heard of her, All the tropes in this ships catalogue, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Darcy Lewis, Bastardization of Norse Mythology, Bastardization of mythology in general, Bisexual Darcy Lewis, Canon Divergence - Thor: The Dark World, Civil War never heard of her, Darcy Lewis-centric, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fem Loki, Frigga (Marvel) Lives, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Jane Foster & Darcy Lewis Friendship, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Lemon, Magic Darcy Lewis, Odin is a bastard, SHIELD Agent Darcy Lewis, Slow Burn, Superpower Darcy Lewis, Tasertricks freeform, at some point, cause its still2012 up in here as far as Im concerned, everyone lives in the tower, not that marvel isnt doing that already, quasi reformed Loki, shady shield, tasertricks - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-07-09 19:24:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19893052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RogueSareth/pseuds/RogueSareth
Summary: The chair was occupied by a man, all long lean legs encased in black leather with the odd, asymmetrical ornamentation in greens and golds, matching the tunic style shirt and long over coat. He sat leaned back, arms crossed over his chest and one long leg gracefully crossed over the knee of the other. Casual. Relaxed.She hated him instantly.Angry heat sparked in her chest, and burned in her cheeks, who exactly did he think he fucking was?A god duh.Well, not today that was fucking sure. Not with her.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Darcy Lewis was several shades of fucked. Coerced into SHIELD after the events of London, Darcy is given an assignment she ( and no one else) wants to touch. Specifically playing babysitter to Thor's Big Bad criminally insane brother Loki. If they don't kill each other, well SHIELD will set it up to look that way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first attempt at fic in several years, and my first attempt at a multi-chap in over a decade, please bear with me while I work out the kinks <3
> 
> Otherwise, I adore the hell out of this ship, all the potential and all the wonderful variations of it I've read over the last several months have really sparked my creativity, and I just had to play in this sandbox.  
> Be prepared for ALL of the tropes for this ship.
> 
> This first chapter is a bit long, but it gets the exposition out of the way. To help with that, have a Tasertricks playlist! https://playmoss.com/en/roguesareth/playlist/mad-about-you not specifically for this fic but it works. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comments, even just a word or two is so very much appreciated <3
> 
> Major major thanks to bestest bro SeaweedSoup for literally printing out this first chapter and red penning it. <3 <3 <3

_Heat sparked, tripping over her skin and setting nerves alight with bright sensation-a warm fluttery feeling in her stomach that made her breath catch and her mind fuzzy before it settled into a slow burn through her center that pulsed in waves, cresting higher and higher towards something that flirted with the edge of unpleasant. Her breath came deep, shaking with the effort to take in the now too warm air, laying leaden in her lungs._

_Suffocating, overwhelming, burning, too hot to move, to speak, to think. Her skin felt as if it might crack, peel away from her bones._

_The sulphur scent of a struck match, the bitter earthy scent of cigarette smoke and stale beer. Her breath came faster, shallower, panic clawing, desperate to get out, scream. So intense she thought she heard screaming in the distance. She had, realizing the sound had torn its way from her own throat._

_Oh no, please no. Please not here. Whatever gods could hear her please not here. She had gotten out, it wasn't fair. She didn't want to be here, remember this._

_An inferno consumed her from within, intent on leaving her an ashen shell to crumble and scatter on the breeze._

_Cool hands, unfamiliar but welcome, stroked down the sides of her face, her neck, down over shoulders and rib cage, soothing, chilling, chasing back the heat, leaving nerves prickling with the change of temperature._

_A flash of green-gold in the corner of her eye, a glimpse of blue flesh. The sharp, crisp scent of winter and pine forest._

_Mind fuzzy, body aching, she gladly embraced the cool, welcoming darkness…._

Darcy woke gasping, skin both chilled and overheated. 

Alarm blaring in the background, head pounding and sweat sliding down between her shoulders. She arched her back trying to stretch the fear tension from her muscles as the last vestiges of the nightmare slithered away in the early morning sunlight. 

"Ugh" she scrubbed her face with trembling hands "so not the morning for this bullshittery" untangling herself from damp,knotted sheets and shuffling towards the bathroom and her gloriously roomy shower, she turned on the water hoping the warmth would ease her head and calm her nerves.

Oh shit, no! Not without the most important thing first.

Mid way through pulling her shirt off she turned sharply to dart across the hallway and set the timer on the shiny new coffeemaker on the counter of her small kitchenette, before haphazardly managing to toss the sweat soaked t shirt off and step into pleasantly warm water. 

Sighing she felt the ache in her head lift a fraction, tension flowing out of her limbs and body, temperature stabilizing to something normal as the water ran down over her shoulders and back, pooling at her feet, before swirling down the drain, taking her anxiety with it. 

Months these nightmares had eaten at her, since just after the whole Dark Elves fiasco in London. Lord of the Rings had apparently given her unrealistic expectations for elves, they certainly hadn't been nearly as lickable as Orlando Bloom. Then again prior to a few years ago she had never _actually_ expected elves to _actually_ exist. 

And then New Mexico had happened, a man fell from the sky, she was nearly fried by a giant death robot from space, and her life was turned right the fuck upside down. 

Clearly, if the nightmares were any indication, she was repressing some trauma. Well, more trauma. But it wouldn't be repressed trauma if she acknowledged it, now would it?

She washed her hair with a quickness and sped through the rest of her usual morning routine in half the time.

A year of completed SHIELD training(non optional, she had asked)after the organisation had swooped in, practically kidnapping her and Jane post London. (They were "safer" that way, SHIELD had said.) Today was her first day as Agent Darcy Lewis. Officially. 

No it did not matter that they were getting paid. It was basically kidnapping. She knew implied threats when she heard them. 

You get involved in just _two_ major intergalactic incidents involving alien royalty and world ending sources of power SHIELD goes all nanny state on your ass. 

The first three months after London, SHIELD Secret Squirreled her, Jane, Eric Selvig and Ian the Intern away to some remote facility in Norway, close to where they had been stashed at Thor's request during the New York invasion (Jane had not been happy about that one.) Although at least then they had put them up in a nice cozy little apartment.

Didn't matter that she was _also_ only an intern, still a Poli Sci undergrad who had taken the position because Jane had been the only one to respond back and she needed the credits-credits they had not so subtly held over her head when it looked like she was getting rowdy. 

And rowdy she got. Darcy Lewis did not like being forced into shit.

Then Tony friggin' Stark had rolled up, all swagger and arrogance and expensive cars, and rescued them.

He claimed that, given Jane's relationship with Thor, God of Thunder and Abs: Worlds Saving Avenger, she and her team should be moved to Avengers HQ at Stark Tower in New York. More importantly he could fund Jane's research better than SHIELD. 

Tony Stark could probably fund SHIELD better than SHIELD.

Darcy found out later that Thor had asked Stark to keep an eye on Jane before he left for Asgard again, and Stark, in turn, didn't trust SHIELD or what they might do with Jane's work. Not after their attempted "solution" to the invasion. 

She couldn't help thinking it sounded like a thing some dumbass in a B action flick would suggest. 

Darcy would, of course, remain under SHIELD employ and have to finish basic training. Tony had agreed, a few SHIELD employees were already a semi regular occurrence at the tower, (technically The Avengers Initiative was a SHIELD project, two members being long time SHIELD lackeys, but it was obvious the team itself didn't necessarily see it that way- _especially_ Tony.) all the while giving her a look that said to watch her ass. 

"Big no fucking duh, Roomba-man." You'd have to be an idiot to completely trust any secret organization. 

Darcy knew that SHIELD had been attempting to make high powered weapons with the tesser-ass (found out over a long boring weekend-between trying to convince Jane to eat and sleep like a normal person instead of just inhaling pure science;she had almost been disappointed with how quickly she managed to bypass their network securities.) Power corrupts after all. 

It wasn't likely to ever be a problem for her at any rate, ultimately she was still just a lab assistant (a lab assistant with a nice back yard and built in pool) just with a bit more Market Value behind her punches these days.

Jane was the one with the genius brain who got possessed by ancient power, dated space royalty and openly defied authority. She was way more likely to end up in trouble with SHIELD. Again. 

Even if it ever _did_ become a problem, well, Darcy was good at getting out of sticky situations. 

Darcy and Jane had jumped at Stark's Get-out-of-jail-almost-free offer, willing to agree to almost anything at that point to escape their own personal oubliette. And the distance, (and being stationed in anything under Tony Stark's domain) would give her some breathing room. Seeing as she had been absorbed into a secretive, possibly morally questionable, generally distasteful, overbearing, uptight, badly dressed paramilitary organization. Yay.

Ian and Eric had decided they liked Norway just fine, it let them escape being smack dab in the insanity of apocalyptic level, alien politics driven, all around sucktastic invasions.

Ok. Bathroom routine complete? Check. Giving in to the ultimate practicality of contacts?(After stabbing herself in the eye. Fuck.) Check. 

Professional looking but comfortable clothing, something easy to _flee for your life_ in. (Just in case); not quite check. She kept digging.

She settled on a black skirt and burgundy cardigan over a white button up and a pair of low heels. She looked like a librarian. A cute librarian, but unassuming and hopefully not worth the trouble. 

After a year with SHIELD, it was safe to say she could handle her own in a fight but that does not a super spy make. She was no Natasha Romanoff and wasn't keen on getting herself offed the first day on the job. Or _any_ day on the job, thank you.

Running a brush through her hair she took a quick peak in the mirror, scrunched her nose at her reflection, and turned back to the kitchen to pour herself a mug of the liquid heaven waiting for her.

"So much better than Norway" she said aloud, doctoring her coffee with a moderate amount of milk and sugar before taking a tentative sip.

And immediately burning her tongue.

"Ow shit,shit, fuck!" She blew on the coffee, wincing, "Already starting off best foot forward, huh?” 

She glanced at the clock, at least she wasn't late, she had plenty of time for her coffee to cool, enjoy said coffee properly, and make it to start her first assignment. _If,_ and a big if, she choose to actually take the assignment.

Normally, she wouldn't be given much of a choice, still being this fresh out of training, but given the...delicate (dangerous) nature of the situation an exception was made.

Not that she should even be given this kind of assignment _in the first place._ It was way above her paygrade. Like worlds above her paygrade. Star systems above her paygrade. Galaxies, nebulas, _whole other universes_ above her paygrade.

Nick Fury, The Head Eye-patch Himself, had told her she had _'come highly recommended.'_

Darcy was sure, while that may in part be true, it was mostly because she was expendable. If things went totally FUBAR they wouldn't lose anyone important. A no name assistant from podunk Appalachia with no living family and a whole three friends. 

She knew, had heard in the employee cafeteria on breaks, that in just the few weeks since _The Assignment_ had come in, several agents (much more experienced than her with more extensive training) had walked out, refusing to continue on until they were reassigned to something less dangerous to their health.

"Yeah like infiltrating hostile foreign governments." Darcy took a swig of her coffee,finally cool enough, sinking into one of the two chairs at her small table, the last traces of her headache soothed away as she took fortifying sips from her mug. 

"Its cool, I got this. I can do this," she drained her coffee and stood to put the empty mug in the sink, "Im Darcy Lewis, Taser of gods, badass bitch. I helped save the mother fucking _world,_ I am….so totally not going to panic." 

There, that was convincing. She had convinced herself. She wouldn't just crawl back into bed and tell SHIELD they could shove this job right up their-

Her thoughts full out spiraling into an anxiety attack were interrupted by two loud, forceful knocks on her door. 

"Well shit, too late now." Grabbing her official SHIELD ID, phone, and her bag with the case file and her trusty taser off the counter she pulled the door open.

"Good morning Lady Darcy! How fare you?" Thor's booming voice cut through her apartment, far too cheerful and ready to take on the day for this time of morning, in full princely splendor. Really, this should be illegal. 

"Hey, big guy, whats up? Come to see me off to my inevitable demise?" She quipped lightly, downplaying the high likelihood of that actually happening.

Thor, resembling a big sad golden retriever, frowned at her. "Now Lady Darcy, there is no such thing to worry about, precautions have been taken, but in the event there is…" he paused, looking hesitant, "An incident, I will be there to keep you safe." He raised MyuhMyuh in a salute, grinning at her. 

She gave him her best, Can Do smile, trying desperately not to make scathing commentary. "I appreciate it, dude, really" and she did, of course she did. She was just a wee little bit salty with him for being the one to suggest her for sacrificial slaughter in the first place. 

She was beginning to understand all those stories where humans caught the eye of (or basically interacted with in any way, shape or form) the gods and later had some kind of cosmic weight or ordeal dropped on their shoulders.

You taze a guy once, jeeze.

But really. Totally. It was fine. 

Sighing again she squared her shoulders and made for the door "Alright, let's get this over with." 

  


* * *

The elevator ride down to the maximum security level of the tower was tense. Not that Thor noticed of course, being the embodiment of blissful ignorance most days. 

Ok, maybe that was a _bit_ mean. Definitely still salty. 

She was so sure she'd get to go back to being Jane's lab gofer, just with an actual salary, before this got dumped on her. The one time in all of history getting a glowing job recommendation sucked ass. 

Especially after Thor had disappeared right after New Mexico, driving Jane to throw herself into her work harder than usual and Darcy to try and keep the pieces together, only to show up 2 years (he had _not_ stopped for a visit after the invasion) later with major disaster hot on his heels. A disaster that nearly got them all toasted. 

Oh, and of course breaking his lunatic brother out of prison.

Ugh, _Loki_. He who had almost crispy fried her with his giant robot and then tried to take over her planet. Granted there seemed to be some extenuating circumstances around that incident, something something mind control something something coercion. As far as she knew, though he had been plenty in his right mind for the Death Robot shit. 

And alright, he had protected and saved Jane from the evil space elves, and had apparently nearly died saving Thor (and probably would have if the big sap hadn't refused to leave his brother behind, alive or not. So she'd give him that one.) But as far as she was concerned he was still a jackass.

Even bleeding out in his brother's arms, looking like a rat that met the wrong side of an 18 wheeler while Thor brought Jane back to earth, he had had enough energy to make asshole commentary. 

She had threatened then and there to finish the job the elves had started if he didn't shut it. 

Thor hadn't appreciated that one. She supposed she understood, very nearly losing your mother and only sibling in one day had to suck.

Not her problem though, and both Loki and Queen Frigga had survived and recovered. Not that she had known that before a few weeks ago, since Thor had then disappeared for a whole 'nother year to sort shit out on Asgard. It wasn't like he could shoot them an email from space. 

Then, BAM! Portal in the sky opens up and there's Thor again, all golden charm and big dopey smiles. With his brother in tow. 

Apparently, despite the prison break, Papa Odin had given his Problem Child a lightened sentence. Instead of eternity in a cell beneath the palace, he'd been given community service. 

On Earth. 

And since Thor was officially a full time Avenger, he couldn't pull double duty babysitting his batshit younger sibling. (And no chance in Hell any of them were letting Loki tag along on world saving duty.) So, Loki-God of _Mischief_ and _Lies-_ was tasked with helping SHIELD and The Avengers beef up their fortifications for any more hypothetical interstellar threats against the planet, and doubling as a One Man Magical Bomb Squad if they came across anymore weird woo woo MacGuffins. (She had learned this all retroactively from Jane, who had apparently laid into Thor pretty hard after he got back. Darcy had been proud.) 

Unfortunately he needed someone to keep an eye on him while he was working with SHIELD, just in case he got any bright ideas. 

That someone, it seemed, was her. Thanks Thor. 

Well, _hypothetically_ her. She could still back out, she was going to meet the guy as a formality since Thor had put so much faith in her. But she really had no intention of sticking this horrorshow out. Loki's magic had been bound while on Earth, leaving him with only his most basic abilities. But he could still lift a car and toss it through a building on his natural strength alone, easy-peasy,no magic needed, so did it really matter? 

No she didn't think so. But she was just a squishy mortal with a bare minimum of combat training so what would she know? 

Her stomach twisted in knots and she drummed her fingers anxiously against the cool metal wall of the elevator.

Enough to know that SHIELD was clearly taking advantage of Thor's naivety to put an expendable agent on the job. If something happened to her, well, it was Loki. Nothing they could have done. And besides, at least they hadn't lost any valuable resources. And Darcy knew Thor would blame himself. 

It was perfect. 

SHIELD would be blameless. Their hands clean, with a viable excuse to send Loki packing back to Asgard, or to lock him up permanently in the basement and exploit his knowledge, probably for nefarious purposes.

It didn't help the guy had _already_ been difficult enough to work with to send multiple seasoned agents running.

The elevator dinged, coming to a stop, the doors opening on a sleek metal corridor, blocked about a dozen feet ahead by a large gate and a bored looking security agent. One of SHIELDs or one of Starks she wasn't entirely sure. 

Thor lead the way down the hall towards the gate, purposeful strides eating up the short distance. She wished he would slow down, she wasn't exactly keen on getting there too quickly.

They stopped in front of the gate, the guard lifting an eyebrow as she reached for her ID badge and presented it to him. He took his time scrutinizing it, she wondered if he was going to make her answer a riddle next to get through.

Finally the guard handed her back the badge and unlocked the gate mechanism to let them through.

Thor, of course, didn't need a badge.

They walked along another hundred feet or so before stopping in front of a thick, locked metal door. Thor stood before it and reached out to type some kind of code into the security mechanism on the side. 

The door hissed open, like something off the set of Star Trek, and they stepped into what looked like a police interrogation room.

"Well this is reassuring." She muttered under her breath. 

Thor put one large hand on her shoulder, "Worry not Lady Darcy, all will be well." 

"Oh Thor, you can't be serious." 

Darcy's head whipped up towards the sound of the voice, peeking around Thor's broad back to see a metal table in the center of the room, with one chair sat before it. 

The chair was occupied by a man, all long lean legs encased in black leather with the odd, asymmetrical ornamentation in greens and golds, matching the tunic style shirt and long over coat. He sat leaned back, arms crossed over his chest and one long leg gracefully crossed over the knee of the other. Casual. Relaxed. 

She hated him instantly.

"Loki," Thor began in an admonishing tone, "This is the Lady Darcy, she is a friend. Be polite." The look he gave his brother was a warning. Be polite or there would be consequences. Probably hammer related consequences. 

Vivid forest green eyes shifted to her, flicking up and down her form, assessing, before turning back to Thor. Clearly a dismissal. 

Angry heat sparked in her chest, and burned in her cheeks, who exactly did he think he fucking was? 

A god duh.

Well, not today that was fucking sure. Not with her.

"Thor, you can't expect me to work with someone who is practically still a child, and a barely trained one at that." He ran one hand through dark, shoulder length hair. "This is insulting."

"Loki-" Thor started, but Darcy cut him off before he could finish.

"Yeah hi," she said stepping forward towards the table, "I'm right here and I'd appreciate it if you-both of you," She shot a glance at Thor out of the corner of her eye, he had the grace to look sheepish, "wouldn't talk about me like I'm not in the room." 

She stuck her arm over the table, offering her hand and giving her best disarming smile. "I'm Darcy Lewis."

His eyes flicked down to her hand and then back up with a look that said he couldn't believe she expected him to sully his precious princely self by touching her. 

Ok then. Dick. 

"So very pleased to meet you." The sarcasm was heavy and she felt the muscles in her jaw tick as she ground her teeth and instinctively palmed the side pocket of her bag where her taser was stashed.

 _Keep it cool Darce_ , she thought to herself, trying to push down the rising anger in her chest, _just because his face is so punchable doesn't mean you should punch it._

"We've sorta of met before actually." She managed with a semblance of politeness. 

He raised one dark eyebrow, "Oh, forgive me I don't seem to remember." His tone was not apologetic, and in fact implied he wouldn't have taken note of her to remember either way.

There was that damn urge to slam her fist in his face again. "Yupp," she said in mock cheeriness "You almost deep fried me with that robot in New Mexico and then insulted my fashion sense while bleeding out all over the place in London." 

He furrowed his eyebrows for a moment in thought, before she saw them light in recognition. "Ah, Doctor Fosters assistant, yes she mentioned you," his lips quirked up into a smirk that made her stomach flutter nervously. "I admit I was impressed with the story of how you first met my brother during his banishment." 

She heard Thor huff in mild exasperation behind her.

Loki's eyes narrowed again "However that does not change the fact that you are clearly underqualified for this assignment. It makes me wonder that SHIELD would toss you so readily to the wolves." He looked at his brother then, a calculating look in those deep green eyes of his.

She pursed her lips, he had come to the same conclusion she had earlier. Well fuck. 

"Loki, please-" Thor began again, and once again Darcy cut him off.

"Look pal, no one here is happy about this situation, especially me, so how about we just try and make this work until SHEILDs satisfied enough to finally kick your ass off this planet for good." She crossed her own arms and arched an eyebrow, inviting him to respond. 

His eyes narrowed into an impressive glare of his own, he sure knew how to work all that vivid green and for a moment she was caught in them. "You're a fool if you think, that now SHIELD has me, they'll let me go so easily." Was his simple reply, again echoing her earlier thoughts. Like an asshole.

She cocked her head to the side "Maybe next time you have a hissy fit because daddy didn't hug you enough you can just repress it and develop a drinking problem like normal people." 

"Loki, Lady Darcy, please-" 

"Shut up Thor." Loki and Darcy snapped in unison.

“You owe me a soda.” she said tersely, having the satisfaction of seeing his head tilt, face scrunch - perplexed for a split second - before he clearly chose to move past it, eyes narrowed back into angry slivers, lips pressed together tightly in an almost snarl.

"Listen here you presumptuous little girl, you have no idea who you're talking to or what you're prattling about." Loki ground out through clenched teeth, tendon popping along the sharp curve of his jaw. 

She narrowed her eyes and leaned further over the table, planting her hands on the cool metal. "Oh, I think I do, Magic Man, and from where I'm standing all I see is a scared little boy lashing out at the world around him, crying for mommy."

She had seen it before. Human, alien, god, didn't matter. She knew his type. It was always the same. 

His eyes flashed vivid green in rage and he stood abruptly, the chair he was seated on clattering across the concrete floor, body shifting towards her across the table, long fingers reaching for her wrist.

"Loki!-" Thor didn't have time to get the rest out.

Darcy, not taking time to think thoroughly, reacting mostly on instinct, yanked her taser out of her bag, aimed, and pulled the trigger.

The metal prongs shot out and embedded themselves neatly into the v of pale flesh exposed at his collar, delivering a hefty voltage of electricity directly into him. After the Thor incident, Darcy had modified the taser to output a higher voltage. Just in case.

Loki's body jerked-once-twice-and he dropped. The sound his body made hitting the floor was deeply satisfying. 

Darcy walked around the table and bent low over Loki's still twitching form, yanking the metal prongs and wrapping them up before stowing the taser back in its appropriate pocket. She leaned back down again, so her face was close enough to his to see the green of his eyes nearly burning out of their sockets in unexpressed rage.

Good. Lesson learned hopefully.

"Now, how about we play nice for now and not upset whatever stupid little game SHIELD is playing with us just yet." She stood, and turned to where Thor was still standing in the corner, looking at a complete loss for what to do.

"Ok, that settles it. I'm in, I'll take the job." This might be fun after all.

She didn't bother waiting for a response as she stalked out of the room, putting a little extra swing in her hip for effectiveness. Tossing a look over her shoulder she called back "See you on Monday, new partner." 

All she caught was a flash of enraged green as she left the room.

Darcy continued on till she was past the gate and back in the elevator, her heels echoing sharply through the corridor. She didn't let her knees sag or let out the shaky breath she'd been holding until the elevator was well on its way back up. 

"Oh man, this is bad. What the fuck did I just do to myself?" She thunked her head back against the cool metal at her back. "He's right, you are so not qualified for this! Stupid!" She had let her anger and her pride (and her mouth) get away from her. Again. 

So much for unassuming and not worth the trouble. Sure she had laid him out flat, but now she had put herself in a situation where she had to deal with him on a regular basis. Awkward. "Yeah, right Lewis, understatement of the year."

The elevator pinged and the doors opened onto her floor. She booked it to her apartment, yanking open the door and slinging her bag on the oversized purple arm chair in the living room. She yanked off the skirt and cardigan and nice white blouse. She had the rest of the day off and she wasn't going to waste it inside, way too keyed up now. 

Changing into a comfortable pair of black tights, ankle boots and her favorite worn band tee, Darcy grabbed her bag again, setting the taser aside for the moment now that it was no longer needed, and locked her apartment back up. She was going to go to her favorite coffee shop, order the biggest brownie she could and one of those sugary coffee drinks filled with whip cream and try to relax. 

She'd earned that. 

  


* * *

  


After the biggest, girliest, most frou-four sugar filled coffee concoction she could buy and an extra large double chocolate chip brownie she finally felt calm enough to return to the tower. She was just unlocking her apartment door when she heard the apartment door across the way open. Jane poked her head out of her apartment, smiling as she saw Darcy.

"Darce! Hey you're back. How'd it go this morning?" She walked across the short hallway to Darcy, holding up a bottle. "However it went I figured I'd go ahead and get something to either celebrate or drown your frustrations."

Darcy laughed and pulled Jane into a quick hug. She really loved this woman. 

"How about a bit of both?" Darcy supplied pushing her door open,depositing her bag on the counter and moving into the kitchen, grabbing wine glasses for her and Jane. She heard the apartment door click shut as Jane walked in, setting the bottle of wine down on the counter and gracefully perching herself on the bar stool.

"It went that well, huh?" Jane opened the bottle and poured out into the glasses Darcy had set down in front of her.

"Ugh, Jane, dude I have no idea how you put up with him during that whole Dark Elf thing, it was a struggle trying to keep myself from punching him square in his smug face the moment he opened his mouth."

Jane grinned "I _did_ punch him, remember?" she took a long sip of her wine "it also helped I was unconscious for part of it." 

Darcy giggled, she had been so proud of Jane when she had told her about that. 

She smirked, "Well he's 2 and 0 now, I tased his ass. Dropped him like a rock."

"Oh my god Darcy! Tell me everything, right now." 

Darcy laughed again, "Ok, Ok boss lady, don't get too excited it wasn't that big of a thing."

Darcy filled Jane in on the details over two more refills of wine and a phone call to the closest pizza delivery place. Jane had cheered and high fived her when she got to the tasing Loki part. An hour later they were deep into a Hawaiian pizza with extra bacon and a rewatch of _Labyrinth_ when someone knocked out the first half of 'Shave and a Haircut' on her door.

"Miss Lewis, Sir is here to see you." Darcy jumped nearly dropping her pizza on the floor. She still wasn't used to JARVIS and the AIs random interludes.

"Thanks J man." She dropped her slice back into the box and made for the door. What on Earth could Tony Stark want with her at this time of night? 

She pulled open the door to find Tony standing there in the hallway, decked out in jeans and an old band shirt, randomly splotched in grease, or motor oil or whatever he had been working with. 

"Hey Lewis," he said way too cheerily, breezing past her into her apartment. "Hey, whats up Doc." He shot at Jane before plopping himself onto the bar stool at the counter Jane had occupied earlier. 

"Yeah sure come right on in." She muttered to herself, closing the door. "Whats up Stark, its like eleven o'clock shouldn't you be holed up in your lair at this time of night trying to figure out time travel or whatever?" She wiggled her fingers for effect.

"Funny Lewis, and I _was_ in my lair working on something. Here." He held out two, simple, almost delicate, looking silver wrist cuffs. 

Darcy cocked her eyebrow, "What are they?"

"Call them a gift for your big new promotion. Here, take them and put them on." He shook them at her impatiently. 

She took the slim metal bands and slipped them onto her wrists. By that point Jane had come over to watch, attracted by the scent of science. There was a faint, high pitched whir as some kind of minuscule machinery hidden in the bands contracted so they fit snugly, but comfortably, around her wrists. 

"Ok now," Tony said, holding his hands out "Flick your wrists like this." He demonstrated, flicking his wrist quickly outward.

She repeated the motion and watched in shock and delight as the metal of the bands slid up her arms and over the backs of her hands,encasing her fingers, stopping just below her elbow. 

A pair of full gauntlets in silver and violet accents. Bitchin'

"Ok, now here's the _really_ fun part," Tony said, smiling wide, "Flex your fingers open."

Again she did as he said. 

The grin that split her face was almost painful. The center of her palm, covered by the gauntlet, sparked and crackled with concentrated electricity.

Not just gauntlets. _Taser_ gauntlets.

Jane whistled "Wow, those are amazing Tony, did you rework the mechanisms from your suit?"

"Yupp, and they can shoot concentrated projectile electricity too, for long range use." Tony answered.

"Like ball lightning?" Darcy looked up, excited at the prospect of shooting balls of electricity from her hands.

"Yeah, sort of like ball lightning, though I wouldn't recommend trying that specific feature out right now." He smirked at her, teasing, clearly able to see how stoked she was to try it out.

"We can schedule you some time in one of the training rooms over the weekend to try them out more in depth."

"Hell yeah! I can't wait to test these babies out!" Thor eat your heart out. "But, uhhh, how do I turn them off?." The electricity continued to crackle and spark in her palms, and as cool as it was she wasn't keen on accidentally electrocuting herself. 

"Relax your fingers and lower your hands. Good now flick your wrists in the opposite direction you did to activate them."

She did so and watched as the metal shrunk back down her arms, reforming into the plain silver bands. 

"Thanks Roomba dude, this is possibly the best gift I've ever gotten, how on Earth did you make these so damn quick?"

"First of all," Tony said, taking on a distinct air of superiority, " its Roomba _Man_ , secondly I’m a genius." He stroked his goatee in an overly pretentious manner.

"Thirdly I actually started working on them as soon as Thor suggested you take up the position of Official Reindeer Games Babysitter, but I put the finishing touches on them this afternoon after seeing the security tape of your little meeting." He grinned, taking on the air of an impressed older brother whose sibling had successfully owned someone. "Possibly the most satisfying thing I've seen in a while, right up there with him getting Hulk Smashed into the penthouse floor."

Darcy smiled, tilting her head up proudly, the wine and the compliments making her feel all warm and fuzzy. "Well, ya know, I do what I can." 

He chuckled and stood from the bar stool, "Ok you two, don't stay up too late celebrating, I gotta get back to the lab." He made for the door turning back once to say "Lewis I'll have JARVIS schedule you some time in the training room with those bad boys."

"Scheduling now Sir. Is Saturday evening alright for you Miss Lewis?"

"Yeah J, sounds good to me. Thanks Tony, g'night."

"Night Tony." Jane answered, topping off their wine, emptying the bottle of its contents and going back to her place on the couch.

Darcy was a bit slow to follow, turning the wrists this way and that, watching the light reflect on the cuffs. 

"Ok Darce, you can marvel over your new toys later, David Bowie is now." Jane said impatiently and just a bit slurred.

Darcy plopped herself down on the other end of the couch and took up her forgotten slice of pizza "How are you more bossy _after_ a bottle of wine?"

Jane giggled and sipped from her glass "Come on, we're almost at my favorite part."

"Ahh yes, the ballroom scene." She faux swooned against the back of the couch, pressing the back of her hand against her forehead dramatically. "Man, what's it take for a girl to get some of that?"

Jane sighed "Right?"

"Jane you are literally banging a _god._ " Darcy said between bites of pineapple and chicken. 

Jane huffed "They aren't _really_ gods Darce, just really advanced aliens."

"To-ma-to Tah-mah-to Jane." She unpaused and drank from her glass, the beginning notes of the music box drifting into the room to images of dancers, swirling and twirling inside iridescent bubbles.

She felt warm, and relaxed, and content. She'd relish it while it lasted. Come the end of the weekend those feelings were likely going to be a lot less frequent.

Mondays really were the fucking worst. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally an update! This took a bit longer than expected, these last two or so months have been stressful and I ended up stuck for a while in the middle of this chapter.  
> But I'm glad it took a minute because I think it ended up better for it.
> 
> i was actually worried it might end up being too short compared to the first chapter, but ended up actually being longer lol.
> 
> Anyways, thanks as always to SeaweedSoup for the corrections and suggestions <3
> 
> Also I've expanded my tasertricks playlist https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9lvEfBuyurUWkzXjDX_UWSa-FoWqbw4v up on YT because literally no other site has all the songs I want =/
> 
> Next chapter shouldn't take quite as long to update, I've already written a good portion of it.
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated <3

Yupp. This was awkward. Real awkward. All aboard the Awkward Train, leaving Awkward Station to Awkward central kinda awkward. 

Sitting less than five feet from Loki-King of the Asshats-as he meticulously read over a stack of astrophysics texts, comparing with Jane's research and scribbling notes and corrections in the margins in sharp, slanting script. 

Darcy was trying and failing to lose herself in a _personal project_ , pecking half heartedly at the keys on her laptop. She had been issued a Stark Industries tablet like everyone else, but she preferred the feel of her own machine, the keys well worn to the shape of her fingers, the outside covered in an array of brightly colored stickers layered so close she could barely remember what color it had been. 

Sighing, she struck the keys sharply, wishing this line of coding she was working on was more interesting. Please be more interesting. 

_Sigh_ , no dice.

"Miss Lewis if you're that bored you could maybe find something _actually_ useful to do." Came the annoyingly low, smooth voice of aforementioned King of Asshats.

She gritted her teeth against an already familiar rush of angry heat,fighting the urge to snap back. _Just ignore him Darcy._ It's what he wanted, the asshole, and like hell was she going to give him the satisfaction of a reaction. 

Besides, she wasn't sure if he was just trying to goad her into a fight or if he was that much of a masochist. You never knew with these super villain types. No one wore that much tight, black leather without being seriously kinky. 

_Not_ that she needed to be considering _that_ in any way shape or form. God what she wouldn't give to go back two days. Get stuck in a perpetual Groundhog Day loop where Monday never came and the good times never ended. 

Sadly the good times had run for higher ground. Sunday had come to an end far too damn quickly. The whole weekend flying by probably just to spite her.

She had devoted most of Saturday morning and afternoon to maxing out what peace she was likely to get in the near future, harassing Jane and Thor into an afternoon of Chinese take out and Netflix, impatient to try out her new toys and spending hours in the training room that evening learning their ins and outs. 

It had been a blast. Literally. And very informative. 

Aside from being able to deal out a metric shit ton of damage in both close and long range, they could also produce a handy dandy electromagnetic shield and had a direct link back to JARVIS and the tower. (Ok, maybe a little creepy in an FBI surveillance through your phone kinda way) 

Possible overkill? Maybe a little, but given life's recent trend towards absolute What-The-Fuckery she wasn't going to complain. 

She turned her wrist this way and that watching the overhead lights in the lab play across the metal, careful not to accidentally set them off. She glanced up at Loki across the room, still making notations in his annoyingly perfect penmanship. 

She didn't want to let her new _partner_ on to her fancy schmancy new play things. She might still need to put him in time out and he'd expect the taser a second time around. It was bittersweet, putting 'ol faithful out to pasture, the taser had served her well over the years, but an upgraded Darcy needed all the hottest and latest accessories. The expensive kind you had to buy separately.

"Hey Darce, can you catalog this newest set of data for me? I want to make some adjustments to the microphase converter before I move on to another round of testing." Jane hadn't even looked up from where she was furiously scribbling notes, head popping up every few seconds to stare at the read out on one of the heaps and piles of equipment she had lying about. 

"Yeah sure boss gimme a sec." Responding automatically out of years of habit. Saving and closing out of her coding project, Darcy pulled up the data input system "Ok, send it over boss lady." 

"Dammit, I'm sorry Darcy I know you’re not _actually_ my assistant anymore, but you’re the only one who knows how to organize any of this stuff." Jane finally looked away from the machine, the eye of a storm that had clearly blown through an office supply store, notebooks and pens and loose sheets of paper and notes written on scraps of napkins scattered all around her in haphazard heaps and piles. 

"Jane, sweetie, I was never your assistant. I was your intern. Your _unpaid_ intern." She arched an eyebrow looking pointedly at Jane "Your unpaid intern semi regularly dragged into balls to the wall, life threatening, intergalactic insanity and political upheaval. Also unpaid internships are a form of acceptable modern slavery. "

"Oh come on Darcy, it wasn't _that_ bad." Jane rolled her eyes, ignoring that last part of her commentary. “And besides, you _did_ get those six credits to graduate,” She paused, grimacing, “You know, eventually.” 

Darcy gave her a flat look, before simply raising her arm and flourishing her hand in the direction of the half-mad, six foot two, space viking sitting several feet from her, very ardently ignoring them both. “ And yeah, woo hoo I have a degree, that I can’t use, because we’ve been strong armed into a secret military organization! So worth the massive student loan debt!”

"SHIELDs not paying for that?"

"Duh, of course not." 

"Ok, to be fair, while I _did_ get you dragged into SHIELD, I didn't drag you into that one.” Jane pointed across the room at Loki. “That was Thor." Jane smiled sweetly, not entirely above throwing her godly beau under this particular bus. 

Darcy sighed in mock irritation, then laughed "Ok, fine then we can hang this one entirely on your boy toy and harass Tony into harassing SHIELD to pay me more." 

"Yeah good luck with that, I think you'd be more likely to convince Captain America to do burlesque on the roof." 

"No, see _I_ would pay to see that." She smiled wide at the thought of Super Serious Business Steve Rogers doing a star spangled can-can, all Rockets Red Glare, atop the most visible building in New York. An oddly sexy thought that one. 

The one good thing that had come out of this whole episode of Driving Darcy Lewis Crazy, was that she had ended up exactly where she wanted to be. Back in Jane's lab surrounded by her favorite scientists controlled chaos and half built half functioning wholly unpredictable science dohickies. 

Too good to be random chance. She was pretty sure she had a guardian angel looking out for her. A guardian angel dripping oodles of cash and sporting a high powered suit of armor with a, possibly insane, willingness to butt heads with major world powers. 

_Someone_ had arranged things so that Loki was primarily working with Jane to adapt Asgardian tech for Earth (Jane, too ecstatic about her Einsteinwhatsit bridge to even notice it was Loki they were talking about.) Which was genius tactical planning honestly. In such close proximity to Jane, Thor would be there when he wasn't off Avengering, or whatever it is they did (avenging what exactly?) And the whole of the science department in the tower was overseen by one Bruce Banner aka The Incredible Hulk aka The Big Green Guy who can, will and has already beaten Loki into the pavement. Literally. There was a Loki shaped hole and everything, like the fucking Loony Toons. 

More importantly though, it kept Loki out of the heart of SHIELD. Darcy suspected Tony hadn't had to say much to convince Fury. This whole situation was X Files level suspicious. 

"As much as I enjoy this blaspheming of my brother and the good Captain it's not exactly productive." Loki said, doing a bad job of pretending not to look irritated as he finally glanced up from the much neater pile of books and notes on the table in front of him. 

Darcy glared at him from her seat in the corner of the room "You know what your problem is Loki? You don't know how to have any fun."

His lips quirked in that irritating smug smirk of his, punch-able as ever "Miss Lewis I don't think you'd like my idea of fun." Despite the almost light, teasing nature of the comment the flat cold look in his eyes made her insides squirm and want to remove herself as quickly as possible to the furthest floor of the tower. Hell to another state entirely. Another continent preferably. Sanity was not strong with this one. 

"Yeah well maybe you should explore some new ideas, broaden your horizons." She barely repressed the urge to stick her tongue out at him and blow a raspberry. Childish? Yes. But how else do you deal with this level of assholery and not resort to murder?

"If I remember correctly no one liked it the last time I attempted to 'broaden my horizons' as you say." 

"Don't be such a total dick Loki." Oh god, how many more hours until she was done for the day? She checked the time on her laptop. Fuck. Too long. 

"I’m Sorry? Who exactly gave you the rig-"

“You should be sorry-”

"Would the two of you please knock it off?" Jane interjected, again not even bothering to look up from her readouts, "It isn't exactly productive. I’m trying to work here." Darcy saw the barest lift of Jane's lips, the smallest of smirks. The rising anger in her chest abated a bit. Just a bit. A weensy bit. Enough that she wasn't going to throw herself across the room and attempt to throttle Loki. As very very tempted as she was. The bastard. 

All in all though, she had to admit, nothing was broken and no one had died (yet) so today was going much better than she had assumed it would this morning. There was still time though. 

Thor chose that moment to walk through the door. Thank god. Ha, literally. 

"Good morning friends." he said in a way that was far too joyful and carefree for her tastes. “Loki, I see you’re also here.”

Darcy swore she saw Loki make a rude gesture behind a book out of the corner of her eye. "Thor, dude its past noon." 

He stopped midway to Jane,”It is, but I did not actually want to be here that early.” He flashed a winning smile, turning back towards the only reason he was down here at all, already making with the ooey gooey heart eyes and bending forward to take Jane's face in his large hands, kissing her thoroughly.

Darcy turned away to meet a reflection of her own grimace on Loki's face, a less than split second moment of shared 'ew' passing between them.

She was happy for Jane of course. Glad that her friend had managed to work everything out in her own personal little fairy tale, especially after all the craziness that had gone down in the last couple of years. That didn't mean she wanted to watch them make out right there in front of the particle scanner...thingy. 

"Oh for Norns sake Thor. Don't swallow the poor doctors whole face."

"Oookay then, that's my cue to leave and go get coffee and snacks." Darcy jumped up and booked it out of the lab, down the short hallway to the employee lounge and it's blissfully well stocked kitchen. 

* * *

Rummaging through the dark red pantry cabinets in the (thankfully empty) lounge kitchen, stacked as high as the ceiling and deep enough to get lost in, Darcy was stuck between a tray of instant bake chocolate chip cookies and a box of ready made brownie batter. Not that you couldn't cook an entire seven course gourmet meal for _several_ teams of Avengers with everything in the place. And that wasn't counting the three fully stocked stainless steel refrigerators. But that was way more effort than she was willing to put into making flimsy excuses to stay out of the lab. So insta-bake it was. 

_Hmm Let’s see here,_ Everyone loved chocolate chip cookies but the brownies would take longer to bake and keep her out of the lab longer. At least until Jane and Thor were done playing kissy face.

Hmmm. Yeah, definitely going with the brownies.

Setting the oven timer on the stove ( Ridiculous six burner steel monstrosity) to preheat, she whipped up the mix, pouring it out into a baking pan and shoving it into the oven.

About forty-five minutes later Darcy had a batch of chocolatey deliciousness nearly ready and was midway through making everyone coffee, happily scrolling through her phone waiting for the oven to ding, when she heard the creak of leather and heavy footfalls of what could only be her current least favorite resident jackass. (And to be fair, the tower boasted a variety of jackassery. Herself included) No one else wore that much cow hide and Thor would have dropped Myuh-Myuh on the counter by now and broken at least one of the shiny high end appliances. 

She continued scrolling, intent on ignoring him and focusing on the near future filled with delicious oven fresh brownies, the smell of baking chocolate batter teasing her nose (and stomach, she had skipped breakfast - again - making due with only a generous sized cup of coffee, afraid she might hork anything else up from anxiety)

She tracked the sound of his footsteps as they continued into the lounge in long, slow strides as if he were taking the time to survey the room, and not just here to ruin her peace and quiet. Which, clearly, he was.

Her anxiety ramped up along with her heart rate as his footsteps finally stopped in front of her. 

Darcy doubled down on her refusal to acknowledge his presence, pretending to be deeply invested in this article about--deadly plant toxins?-- she had clicked on.

"Thinking about poisoning someone Miss Lewis?" His voice, low, sounding closer than she would have guessed.

Without missing a beat - tamping down the irritating little voice telling her she probably shouldn't be in a room alone with him - she looked up, meeting eyes that were _definitely_ closer than she thought, and deadpanned "Yeah you. The whole snacks and coffee bit was all a clever ruse to feed you poisoned brownies. Alas, fiend, you've foiled my nefarious plot." 

"For the best really, it wouldn't have been very effective. Not well thought out as far as nefarious plots go." He edged closer to her, enough to catch the scent of leather from his coat and force her to crane her neck back to look at him. Stupid loomy asshole of a giant. 

"Yeah well I guess you'd be the expert on not well thought out nefarious plots now wouldn't you?" A low blow, sure, but she was getting sick of the intimidation games and she needed him to back the _fuck_ up out of her space. Seriously, how was he looming this much?

"For someone who's advice to me was to 'play nice' you are exceedingly bad at it." His stupid eyebrow arched stupidly. 

"Yeah, unfortunately it seems to be my natural reaction to your _stellar_ personality." She dialed up the sarcasm and subtly inched backward. 

"Then why not leave, if you find the whole situation so deplorable?" Man he was really stuck on this not working with anyone angle, that was probably suspicious. Noted for later. 

She inched backwards again, bumping up against the stove behind her. Fuck. Trapped. Like some kind of small, adorable, fuzzy...trapped...creature. Fuck. She didn't want to have to break out the big guns this soon. Deflect with more sarcasm. "Sorry I've already made it my life's mission to annoy you as much as humanly possible. Took a sacred vow and everything." Her heart and stomach both felt like they were trying to escape her body as she fought to keep her bravado. 

Loki leaned forward, towering over her, she thought she saw his hands move out of the corner of her eye. "My dear, I was raised with _Thor_ for centuries, you'll have to try harder." 

Well he had her there. Thankfully before she could come up with an appropriately spicy comeback the day was saved by the oven timer going off, a series of shrill beeps, at the exact same time Tony stuck his head around the door with a "Hey kids how's it going?" And a look, not nearly as friendly in nature, aimed in Loki's general direction. Which happened to be all up in _her_ general direction. 

Still, no use having a fight break out right as the brownies were finally done. And god, or gods, knew she could use the sugar and caffeine right now. 

She did an about face shoving Loki backwards, not that she could move him if he didn't want to be moved, grabbing for the oven mitt and taking the brownie pan from the oven.

"Hey Tony, we're using snacks as a pretense for escaping Jane and Thor's gross PDA." 

Tony walked fully into the lounge, eyes on her but visibly tensed for a fight, the wrist cuffs that activated the Iron Man armor peeking from under dark grey hoodie sleeves. 

"Didn't figure either you or Reindeer Games over there much for the baking type." He was moving casually, but in a way that put himself at a short distance between her and Loki.

"I'm not," she said trying to maintain some actual casualness, trying to calm her racing pulse, setting the hot pan on the stove top. Tony and Loki sizing each other up like two idiot moose(Tony was at a disadvantage there, Loki already had the antlers) "However I can follow basic instructions on the back of the box. Frosty the unfriendly snowman here is just an extra set of hands to carry the coffee."

"Excuse me, do I look like a servant?" He folded his arms across his chest, petulant and pouty. 

Various gods praise his mother for not having killed him herself, yeesh. 

Darcy turned away from where she had started cutting the single large brownie into several smaller brownies, "I will eat every last one of these. In front of you. You will not get _a. Single. One._ Now here." She shoved a tea tray with creamer, sugar and a stack of Styrofoam coffee cups at him, nearly thought he was going to let the whole thing crash to the floor, before he took it with an over exaggerated roll of his eyes. 

Whatever, good enough. 

"Wow, who'd have thought Antlers could be bought with chocolate, I'll have to remember that." Tony quipped, not helping _at all._

"Hey, talking Roomba, make yourself useful, _and silent,_ and take the coffee decanter." She gestured vaguely to the counter where she had left it.

"Hey now, don't forget, I payeth for the coffee, I can taketh it awayeth." He grouched, picking it up anyways.

"Do it," she said, picking up the brownie pan, turning, smiling sweetly at Tony, "And I will destroy everything you love. _And_ you won't get any brownies _either_." 

"Have you been taking scary lessons from Pepper behind my back?" He was now facing her fully, his back to Loki, effectively shielding her. 

"I'm beginning to think my real punishment on this backwards planet is being forced to interact with you people." She couldn't see Loki over Tony's shoulder, but she would bet that petulant pouty look was back on his stupid angular face. No one that bitchy should have cheekbones that nice. 

"Shut up Elsa, no one wants to put up with your royal pain in the ass either." Tony shot with a brief backward glance. "As nice of an ass as it is." 

Alright, time to move this show to a different venue before an impromptu laser show erupted. 

"Ok, we're leaving now, anyone who actually wants one of these shut up and follow me." She made for the door, brownies in hand, not bothering to look back to see if they'd comply. Either they recognized she was wearing the pants here or they didn't. Either way she wasn't getting blown up over some testosterone overflow. 

"Whatever you say, tiny scary lady." Damn straight. He really did have a brain in there somewhere. Not that she'd say that out loud. 

"Tony you are _this_ close to being brownie banned." She started off down the hall, thankfully hearing two sets of footsteps behind her. Maybe they could make it down the short hallway back to the lab without someone getting tossed through a wall. 

She _really_ needed to talk to someone about getting a raise. Babysitting Loki was one thing, having to babysit him and _anyone else in the room with him_ was going to require a bigger cash flow. 

* * *

Thankfully when their weird, little conga line made it back to the lab Jane had once again been distracted, making adjustments to her machines based off Loki's corrections and suggestions in the margins of her notes. 

"Are you sure that's not just going to blow up killing us all?" Darcy asked, only mostly sarcastic, setting brownies on the long table in the center of the room, shoving the books and notebooks from earlier to the side, ruining Loki's neat stacks. 

"Please, give me some credit, if I wanted to kill you it would be quick, quiet, and I would be gone before anyone found you. An explosion is just." He paused and considered a moment, "tacky." He set the tea tray next to the brownies and snatched the first cup off the stack for himself.

"Loki-" Thor looked up, glowering at his brother from across the room.

"Not helping your case!" Darcy cut in grabbing the second and third cups off the stack, reaching over to snag the decanter out of Tony's hand, pouring out a cup for her and Jane (who had yet to acknowledge anyone else was even in the room with her) adding cream and sugar to preference. 

"On the contrary, I've just told you I _wouldn't_ kill you that way, my corrections to Dr.Fosters notes are perfectly fine." He took the decanter from where she had set it on the table pouring the coffee and immediately spooning in a _truly_ obscene amount of cream and sugar. 

"Hey can I get some of that coffee before it's gone?" Loki passed the decanter to Tony in what she could only assume was a very rare moment of non hostility. Maybe he was just perpetually caffeine deprived. Did Asgard even _have_ caffeine?

"Oh, there's coffee?" Jane, finally looking up from her work at the promise of caffeine. 

"And brownies." Darcy plucked a brownie out of the pan,walking over to where Jane was still sitting behind a monitor, brown hair tousled and hanging into her eyes from being hunched over machinery, setting it, and the coffee within easy reach. 

Really, hadn’t her job always been babysitting adults who should probably know how to regularly eat and sleep by themselves? Maybe she should trade that Poli Sci degree in for one in Early Childhood Development, it would be more useful. 

In typical Jane fashion she grabbed her coffee and snack and went right back to staring at her monitor and notebooks. 

Darcy shook her head, used to this by now, exchanging a look with Thor and laughing to herself as he let out a small sigh and stood to grab some sustenance for himself. _This is half your problem now big guy, have fun peeling her off the equipment._ Actually, considering earlier, he probably would. And with that disturbing as fuck thought out of the way she turned to snag a brownie out of the pan before they disappeared. 

Good thing too, since it looked like Tony and Loki and eaten _several_ to themselves while she wasn't looking. 

"Yeesh guys, Tony I know you're a chow hound but does Asgard not have chocolate or something, you demolished those!"

Thor, already on brownie number three, answered between bites "In fact, we do not. The plant does not grow naturally on Asgard, any that we had was brought back from trips here to Midgard."

"A few centuries ago we attempted to take samples back to Asgard to cultivate but the plants died quickly." Loki added, already back to the books, sipping the concoction that was formerly coffee and now probably qualified as some form of dessert. 

"Well it's good to know you're all working hard today." Pepper Potts stood in the doorway, hand on one cream covered hip of her sharp cut business suit. 

"I didn't do it!" Tony shouted, probably an automatic response by now, mouth still full of brownie. 

"That's the problem Tony, you're supposed to be working on the plans for the new building, they have to be ready by Friday. And you two-" she turned on one pointed heel to gesture at Loki and Thor standing by the table, tone firm and brooking no argument. "You need to go pack up so we can get you out of the holding cell in the basement and into some more permanent living spaces." 

"Oh? Why, am I not a prisoner here? The monster in your dungeons?" Loki did not raise his head from whatever he was reading, and by the mildly irritated look on Peppers face Darcy suspected she had been the first to have to try and manage his bad attitude. 

"Loki, that is not-"Thor should probably have known better than to try to get a word in between Loki and Pepper of all people. 

"Technically you are an _asset_ being temporarily held in a secure area of the tower. At least as far as paperwork goes." She gave a vague dismissive wave with one perfectly manicured hand.

"Your sentence would actually probably count as time served and probation with community service. Which I guess kinda makes me your P.O, huh?" Darcy cut in. Just as pointlessly as Thor, Loki just ignored her and continued. 

"Odin will likely think you are being far too lenient. I know Thor does." He tilted his head in his brothers direction.

"Hey, now-" 

"Well, I'm not your father, this isn't Asgard, and I don't do locking potentially useful people up in the basement, where they get off _actually_ putting in any real work. If I did, you'd never see Tony again. Now the three of you get going." She gave a pointed look at Tony, who appeared rather comically scandalized, before walking out of the room. 

"Please and Thank you, you guys are kinda ruining my concentration over here." Jane piped up from the background, as if she hadn't been completely immersed in her own little world. 

She watched as Thor ushered his brother out behind Pepper. Loki going without much of a fuss beside a heavy roll of his eyes. 

"I'll be right behind you guys, just one sec." Tony called out after them, before turning to her with an all too serious look on his face, placing one hand on her shoulder. "Hey Lewis, you alright? You got this?"

She smiled, for someone who had as many issues with the idea of family as Tony did, and had no siblings she was aware of, he played the overprotective big brother well. "Yeah, it's cool, really, I can handle myself." She wiggled her hands, the overhead light catching on the silver cuffs. "Though I appreciate the suspiciously convenient appearance earlier." 

"Yeah well, I might have had the security feed for this floor open, on the extremely likely chance His Royal Hind-ass decided to try some shit." 

She yanked the arm still resting on her shoulder, pulling Tony into a tight hug that he didn't quite seem to know what to do with, patting her back awkwardly. 

"Seriously, I appreciate it." She said, giving him a break and letting go. "I'll even forgive you and His Nastiness for eating most of the snacks. But for real we have _got_ to talk about me getting a raise or something for all this bullshit." 

"Oh wow would you look at the time," he said, very blatantly not even pretending to look at his wrist where a watch wasn't. "Peppers gonna flay me alive if I don't get those building plans finished. See ya!" And with that he nearly ran out of the lab. 

And just like that she technically had the rest of the day off. 

Grabbing the last two brownies out of the pan for her and Jane, she plopped down at the table, pulling her laptop to her. "Welp, looks like I'm all yours for the rest of the day Lady J." 

"Mmhmm, that's nice." Jane answered vaguely, not likely to come up for air anytime soon now that all other distractions had left the room. 

Darcy sighed affectionately and dropped the last brownie in Jane's general line of sight, before opening up her laptop and pulling up her previous work.

_Speaking of no more distractions,_ Darcy pulled her headphones and beloved iPod (she had finally gotten it back from SHIELD, a whole three years later--but it was the principal of the matter-- it had been her first act of internal terrorism, and the music player had been returned relatively quickly, if just to get her to shut the fuck up.) out of her bag that had been left sitting, forgotten, in all the earlier hubbub. She preferred working with music, but didn't want to risk being unaware if Loki decided to murder them all or something. 

She cranked the volume on her favorite playlist and spent the next few hours blissfully unbothered, switching between inputting the data from Jane's latest set of tests and hammering out the kinks in her coding. 

Before she realized it, the day had nearly passed and it was time to try and pry Jane out of the lab long enough to eat and sleep. 

Quite literally, with Jane repeatedly pleading "Just five more minutes." Only relenting when Darcy promised they could order in from Jane's favorite restaurant. Which was fine with her, Darcy was _starving,_ brownies just did _not_ cut it all by their chocolatey selves. 

* * *

"I'm almost there Darcy, I can feel it. Just a little bit more and Earth has its own bifrost, Loki's notes have been invaluable so far." Jane had been talking nearly nonstop since they had picked up their order from the tower lobby. "No more having to wait for Asgard to intervene and send help if something happens."

Darcy fiddled with the brown paper bag in her arms, trying to resist the urge to pick at the still piping hot french fries until the elevator reached their floor. "Yeah, yay Loki our hero." The sarcasm practically oozing out of her mouth. "You and Thor are way too soft on that guy, you know? I mean I know he saved your lives and all but come on, the guys not exactly on our side here." 

Jane shrugged lightly and looked away. "I know, I know, but- but I kinda..." she trailed off looking resolutely at the ground.

"You kinda what Jane?"

"Feel..a little...bad? For him? Maybe?" 

Darcy stared at her like she had just grown several heads, all speaking German, and waited for Jane to clarify this clear lapse in sanity. 

"Come on, don't look at me like that. You didn't get to meet their dad, Darcy," Jane pulled a face, looking like she had just swallowed something sour "Anyone raised like that is bound to get fucked up. It's a miracle Thor is as well adjusted as he is." 

"Listen, I get fucked up by terrible parenting, but that's not really an excuse Jane."

"I know but…" she picked at the edges of her own brown paper bag, a deep frown settling onto her face "You know, after New Mexico, when Thor went back to Asgard to stop Loki, and he fell off the bifrost and disappeared for a year before New York?"

"Yeaaaah" Darcy said slowly, wanting to know exactly where this was going. She knew Loki had fallen off the bridge, that Thor had thought his brother dead before he showed up in New York to wreak havoc. With a magic mindbendy glowstick and an army that no one was really sure the origins of. 

"Yeah, well, from what Thor told me about that day, it wasn't exactly an accident. He was hanging off the bridge, apparently begging for some kind of validation...anything, from his father and when he didn't get it he might have sort of…" 

"What, flung himself off? Into the vacuum of space?" Jeeze Thor, there is quite a bit of difference between suicide attempt and 'accident'.

Jane nodded "And then he was gone for a year, no one knows _what_ happened to him between then and when he showed up in New York. Thor thinks something seriously messed up, that _someone_ big and bad got their claws into his little brother." She looked thoughtful for a moment, "Thor said that scepter, when they took it from Loki, amplified all their negative emotions, pitting them against each other. That was just being in the same room with the thing for more than ten minutes. Who _knows_ how long Loki had it." 

She was pacing now, staring up as the glowing numbers on the elevator as they continued to slowly (slowly) tick upwards. "And during the convergence, the way he was acting, looking back, reminds me a lot of how we found Eric. Not as severe but-" 

"This is insane. Absolutely bonkers." And made a hell of a lot of sense. Darcy knew from raiding SHIELDS files that Loki had been after the magic blue box, like some kind of cracked out timelord, and that the physicians on Asgard had found some trace of magical mental fuckery in his brain after he got himself shiskabobed. 

Not that anyone had any idea what exactly was going on there, outside of speculation, since Loki wasn't exactly forthcoming with any information. But, if Jane was right, and he was coming down from a serious case of mind control induced crazy like Eric had been, he might not even remember what happened to him. 

And if Jane and Thor were both right - and they had to be because otherwise where _the fuck_ did the massive alien bug army come from? - Earth was all sorts of fucked when Space Gepetto came looking for that cube. Because that's what this was about. And they would come.

"I know none of that changes the fact that he is, totally, a grade A asshole." Jane looked back to her as the elevator finally approached their floor near the top of the tower (really did the thing need _this_ many floors? She was starting to think Tony was compensating for something.) "But, maybe be a little gentler in totally dragging him as a person?" 

"Mmhmm, yeah sure of course." Darcy answered noncommittally, mind whirring. She needed a deeper look into SHIELDS secrets, there was way too much fuckery going on, all centered on that stupid little blue box. She'd need to finish that code first, diving that deep into SHIELD was going to require a bit more finesse. 

The elevator dinged and the doors opened onto their floor, _thank god,_ because Darcy did not do existential dread on an empty stomach. 

But of course the universe wouldn't even let her have one meal in peace, spotting Tony standing in the middle of the hallway with Thor and aforementioned Asshole, security agents bustling around them. 

"Uhh, hey Tony, what's going on?" _Please, please tell me this isn't what it looks like._

He smiled, well grimaced really, at her apologetically. "Good news and bad news kids," he said as Jane stepped up beside her looking around. "Good news is, you're not the only ones living on this floor anymore and Point Break over there doesn't have to go far to score-"

"Tony!" Jane shouted, scowling at him through a deep blush, Thor sighing, exasperated, in the background.

"Bad news," he continued without regard to poor Jane's modesty, "is that you have to share living space with him." He jerked his thumb backwards at Loki, who had the audacity to smile and give a little wave. 

"I'm sorry, what now? Tony how could you do this to me?" She might have taken a swing if she wasn't holding precious precious take out. 

"Woah woah woah there Sparky jr," he held his hands up defensively, "this wasn't my idea, I tried to argue on your behalf. You want someone to skin go talk to Fury. Apparently SHIELD wants all of its Asgard related..' _assets'_ " he finger-quoted the word assets "all in one easy-to-keep-tabs-on place." 

At this point, not only was Darcy going to raid all of SHIELDs dirty little secrets, she was also going to upload the nastiest virus she could write into their systems. Let's see them fuck up her life when every time they tried to do a keyword search the computer endlessly looped Tub Girl instead. 

"Listen Darcy, I really am sorry. I tried-"

She held up one hand silencing him. "I so am not dealing with this right now. If you need me, and you better fucking not, I will be in _my_ apartment, eating _my_ food, by _my_ self." She walked around him, not waiting for a reply, rushing quickly passed Loki without even a glance. 

Into her apartment, door locked, take out bag tossed on the counter as she angrily pulled her laptop from her bag. 

She had work to do. 


End file.
